Santa Baby
by CrispyDruid
Summary: Duo is giving out a very special Christmas present to his friends! Check your nosebleeds at the door, and enjoy the show!


**Santa Baby**

By: The Crispy Druid

Disclaimer: Come on now, didn't your parents ever teach you to share?

Category: Vidfic. Songfic. Karaokefic.

Warnings: Mild Homothexual content, about PG-13 at the worst. Fluff, I think...

Synopsis: Duo as a Christmassy bar vamp. What more could you ask for? ^_^

Add together a burst of creativity, an unusually attentive muse, and a Crispy Druid's thought patterns, and here's what you get. Hope you enjoy! ^_^ A bit late for the season, but a Merry Christmas to everyone!

* * *

Heero, Quatre, Trowa and Wufei walk into a bar, elbowing their way through a crowd of people who seem to have been hitting the holiday cheer early and often. Tables fill the center of the room and a long bar runs nearly the length of one wall. It ends at three doors, a men's room, ladies room and a third, unmarked door. Dominating the far wall is the stage. A set of stairs runs the length of the front of the stage and a grand piano sits in the center under a spotlight. Right now, a pair of young women are singing a duet and having a good go of it by the hoots and hollers of the clientele.

The pilots are talking quietly among themselves as they walk to their table.

"So, I wonder why Duo asked us here. I mean without coming with us. This looks like the type of place he'd like to be." Quatre is walking next to Trowa, holding his hand. Trowa is listening to Quatre's ramblings, giving an occasional smile or grunt to show that he is listening.

Heero and Wufei are walking behind them, less affectionately than the pair in front. They are as far apart as they can be, given the crowded state of the bar.

"He probably wanted to see if we'd show. I'm sure he's sitting somewhere in here, just laughing his pigu off, seeing me in this... dive." Wufei's voice fairly drips with disdain for his surroundings.

"I just want to know why there are so few women." Heero says, looking around.

As they approach the table, Heero and Wufei pass around Quatre and Trowa, taking the two chairs that face the door, leaving the two seats that face the stage to Quatre and Trowa. Not long after the boys sit, the girls on stage finish their set and leave. Relena, dressed in a green and red Elf outfit, takes the stage and sits at the piano bench. She plays a vamp on the piano before picking up a microphone and addressing the crowd.

"Ladies and Gentlemen; mostly the Gentlemen. This next act is dedicated to a group of four exceptional Peacekeepers, sitting at table number 69." The spotlight swings from the piano to the boys, who are blinded momentarily. "Trowa, Wufei, Quatre, and Heero: this one is for you."

Relena turns back to the piano, and stars playing. After the pilot's eyes recover, they see Duo reclining on the piano, dressed in a Mrs. Claus outfit. The painted on, white-trimmed red one piece skirt starts just across his sternum and runs just short of mid-thigh, broken only by the shiny black leather belt at his waist. Black fishnet stockings complete the ensemble, running down into black stiletto heels. His brown hair is braided, as usual, but with a bough of mistletoe braided into the end.

Duo leans up on one arm as he starts singing.

_"Santa baby,_  
_Just slip a sable under the tree,_  
_For me."_

Duo traces the white fuzzy collar across his chest with his left hand, his right hand holding a cordless microphone.

_"Been an awful good **boy**._  
_Santa baby,_  
_So hurry down the chimney tonight."_

Duo sits up, crossing his legs in front of him.

_"Santa baby,_  
_A `54 convertible, too-_  
_Light blue."_

Duo mimics driving a car with his left hand, raising it above his head.

_"I'll wait up for you dear._  
_Santa baby;_  
_So hurry down the chimney tonight."_

Duo slides the hand down his body. He trades the microphone to his other hand and sets his right palm against his cheek.

_"Think of all the fun I've missed,"_

Duo moves his hand across his cheek, touching his first two fingers to the side of his mouth.

_"Think of all the fellas that I **haven't** kissed,_"

He moves his left hand to clasp the microphone with his right.

_"Next year I could be just as good,"_

He lets go again, slowly drawing check marks in the air in front of him on the beat, each below the one before.

"If you check off my Christmas list."

Duo stands up and struts across the stage in front of the piano, accenting the beat with his hips.

_"Santa baby,  
I want a yacht, and really that's not,  
A lot.  
Been an angel all year,  
Santa baby,"_

As he comes back in front of the piano, he stops and turns to face the crowd and shimmies down to the ground.

_"So hurry down the chimney tonight."_

The music breaks for a piano solo and Duo descends the steps, headed out into the crowd. Everyone in the building is whistling and hollering. He points to the table where the four pilots are seated and the crowd parts. The spotlight follows Duo through across the floor as it has been across the stage. Duo walks to Wufei, swinging his hips like they were on cam shafts.

"_Santa honey,  
One little thing I really need,  
The deed.  
To a platinum mine,  
Santa baby,_"

Duo grins mischievously as he sings to Wufei. Wufei blushes furiously, yelping softly as Duo lays his left hand on Wufei's shoulder.

"_So hurry down the chimney tonight_."

Duo slides his hand south, causing Wufei's nose to explode in a cloud of red. The Chinese pilot faints immediately, much to the amusement of the crowd. Quatre's laughter is suddenly swallowed in a gulp as Duo lays his hand on his shoulder next.

_"Santa cutie,"_

Duo winks at Quatre who's blush seems to glow in the shared spotlight.

_"Fill my stocking with a duplex,_  
_And checks._  
_Sign your 'x' on the line,"_

Duo's hand traces a large 'x' across Quatre's chest. Starting at Quatre's left nipple, Duo doesn't lift as he crosses the boy's lap and ends with a twist on the blonde's right.

_"Santa cutie,_  
_So hurry down the chimney tonight."_

Another slide south, but instead of fainting, Quatre's blush only increases, his pants seeming quite tight indeed. Trowa is smiling hugely, as he sees that he is next in line for Duo's attention. Duo walks over, and places a finger behind Trowa's ear.

_"Come and trim my Christmas tree,  
With some decorations bought at Tiffany's._"

Duo swirls around the ear, then slides around to Trowa's mouth, actually dipping a finger inside, before tracing a line slowly south-wards.

"_I really do believe in you,  
Let's see if you believe in me._"

Trowa grins, spreading his legs to grant Duo access, but Duo's hand stops on the center of Trowa's chest and pushes. Trowa crashes over backwards and lays on the floor, smiling up at his friend the tease and laughing along with the rest of the crowd.

"_Boo-boop be-doo_"

Duo shakes his hips, and shimmies in place. He turns his attention to Heero, who is glaring protectively at Duo. Duo pouts and walks to his neglected partner, exaggerating the bumping of his hips to the pleasure of the audience.

_"Santa baby,  
Forgot to mention one little thing,"_

Duo stops a few inches from Heero and sticks his hand out, waggling his bare fingers in Heero's face.

_"A ring!  
I don't mean on the phone.  
Santa baby,  
Come hurry down my chimney tonight."_

Duo hops into a very surprised Heero's lap, snuggles down and boops Heero's nose.

_"I'll hurry down **your** chimney tonight."_

Duo takes off his Santa hat and places it on Heero's head. Heero grins in response.

_"Hurry... tonight."_

The music finishes with a flourish as the crowd erupts in applause. Shouts of 'Encore!' are clearly heard, but Heero stands, holding Duo in his arms.

"You know, koi? I just figured out why you choose this bar."

"Really? Wasn't it just for the acoustics?" Duo places his fingers near the corner of his mouth in feigned innocence.

Heero smiles, ruffling his lover's hair as the crowd settles. A great deal of the men are still smiling and shooting lude glances at the pair. "No, I just want to know how you got Relena to show up in a gay bar."

Duo drops his jaw and places a hand aginst his cheek in mock shock. "You mean you didn't know?"

"Know what?"

Duo points to where his 'little helper' is standing at the bar, sharing a drink with another blond. Although Relena's companion has her back turned, her eyebrows can be seen clearly past the sides of her head . Heero chuckles and turns his attention back to Duo.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"Do you think anybody would mind if we had some fun right here at the table?"

Duo laughs and points towards the unmarked door to the side of the bar. "Over there, you big Santa stud."

Heero carries Duo out of the bar, leaving a number of knowing smiles and a chorus of "Go-get-'im!"s in their wake.

* * *

Well, that there was my contribution to the Christmas Collection. Hope y'all had as much fun reading as I had writing!

Again, late for the season, but one of my most popular fics from long ago. Thank Saharra Shadow for requesting some of my old archives in return for her review of my new Avatar: TLA story. =) Authentic ANs retained, with only a couple of touch ups as I never beta'd my fics on my computer, only as I was posting them. ^^; Hope you enjoy - and I wish everyone a happy next holiday season, complete with paper-wrapped pilots under your tree! =^_~= Vm


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